Captured.

Honestly . . . I'm just wound way too tight. I find safety in perfectionism and it often bites me hard. Sometimes I think my OCD has OCD. I pride myself on being able to fill the soap dispenser without allowing even a drop to spill. You've probably met me a hundred times . . . I'm the person in the grocery store who arranges things neatly on the conveyor belt. I have a disease called . . . myself. This morning as I filled the soap dispenser, wouldn't you know it . . . overflow. Disappointed by my own pouring ability I heard God chuckle. In reality when things overflow I'm surpised and mesmerized because it captures my attention. My mistakes are often the breeding ground for God's humor and grace. He reminded me again this morning that His love, mercy, strength, grace, joy and . . . doesn't always fit nicely in the little container I bring to Him. He's a messy God.

Frustrated, Fearful . . . Hopeful (my friend Anthony)

"Are you afraid of hope? When hope yells at you do you tell it to shut up?" Dr. Levenkron has worked with patients who self-mutilate for over 30 years. He asks his clients some hard questions. His book titled "Cutting" is a great read if you're interested in understanding why people self-mutilate, but I wouldn't recommend it for bed time reading. (Side note: I've always wondered what books Mr. and Mrs. Brady read while they were in bed. Remember when Cindy or Jan would knock on the door they were always in bed reading?) Anyhoo . . .

Hope can be a dangerous thing.

I remember the day I didn't want to play with my favorite toy anymore (I was 6 or 7 years old). I was literally devastated. I tried and I tried to be excited about my new toy . . . it just didn't make any sense at all. I thought to myself, "Yesterday I couldn't wait to play with this toy and today I could care less; what is wrong with me?"

Have you ever tried to hope and found your hoper broke? You can't understand it. Yesterday you felt hopeful but today . . . well, you lost it somewhere in the 24. We can become disillusioned by hope and so we give up. We are hopeful about a lot of things . . . to get a raise, a new job, a car, a ministry position, a house, and when it doesn't work out the way we thought it "should" we become disillusioned by hope. Inside we remind ourselves that hope is nothing more than a crap shoot and we beat ourselves up for falling victim to the "hope" game.

The opposite of hope is dispair and when I place my hope in anything other than Jesus I am left hopeless.

Tonite I visited my friend, Anthony, who is 39 years old and has MS. He was recently admitted to a care home because his wife can no longer lift him. His body is frail and bruised from the many falls he's taken because of his weakened muscle condition. He is frustrated . . . he is fearful . . . he is hopeful. Anthony thank you for reminding me to place my hope in Him.

“If you have ever walked among giant redwoods, you will never be overwhelmed by the size of a dogwood tree. Or if you have been through a hurricane, a spring rain is nothing to fear. If you have been in the presence of the almighty God, everything that once controlled you suddenly has less power. - Edward Welch.

Psalm 31:24 (Msg)
Be brave. Be strong. Don't give up.
Expect God to get here soon.

HOPE IS YELLING AT YOU . . . AGAIN!

Amazing Grace

"If I ever reach heaven I expect to find three wonders there: first, to meet some I had not thought to see there; second, to miss some I had expected to see there; and third, the greatest wonder of all, to find myself there."
- John Newton, author of Amazing Grace

Bonsai or Bamboo

I have two very different plants on my desk at work. One is bamboo and the other is a bonsai. The bamboo plant is extremely low maintenance. I never really have to think about it. If bamboo had a personality it would definitely be phlegmatic. The bonsai on the other hand requires a lot. It's extremely high maintenance. I have to mist it every day and soak it every two days. What's up with that? If it were a personality it would be a depressed melancholy and I am the frustrated therapist. As you can see from the picture my bonsai doesn't seem to be doing to good while the bamboo looks exactly the same as the day I bought it.

So my prayer today is, God help me to learn how to relate to both the bonsai's and the bamboo's in my life. Some relationships are high maintenance and require a lot, while other relationships don't seem to require much until the leaves start to turn brown and fall off. May I learn how to water each with enough love and care to sustain growth and produce success.

The Power of Pretend

As a kid I found interesting ways to entertain myself when no body else was around which wasn't very often. I would find myself pretending. I would pretend that I caught the game winning catch to end the world series, or that I was an ambulance driver (my Dad was an EMT and mortician so we had ambulances and hearses in our front yard . . . don't judge me) but the most vivid moments I remember was when I would pretend to be speaking to thousands of people. I used whatever was long and skinny to be my microphone and I would give altar calls to my Barbies (yes, I played with them) and stuffed animals. I would encourage Barbie to leave her evils ways and Ken definitely had some repenting to do.

Years later when I was speaking in a large arena I remember thinking . . . I've been here before. I had seen this moment a million times. Yes I was nervous, this wasn't Barbie and Ken I was talking too, but real people. Pretending really gets a bad rap these days. We fight to find the authentic, and real . . . because we're tired of living between the tension of being who we are and our desire to become so much more.

There is power in pretending. I was reminded of this when I heard Terrence Trammell, (two-time Olympic Silver Medalist) interviewed at the Olympic try-outs in Eugene, Oregon. The announcer asked him "Terrence, how will you respond to the cheers in Beijing for your opponent, Lui Xiang of China since he will be the hometown favorite." Terrence replied, "When they cheer for him, I will pretend they are really cheering for me and I will use that energy."

We're all grown up now and it's not cool to pretend anymore . . . but I think we're all still doing it. I'm pretending to change the world . . . how about you?

Some day's I see . . . Some day's I pluck!

"Earth's crammed with heaven, And every bush afire with God; But only he who sees takes off his shoes; The rest sit around it and pluck blackberries." Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

Edward Welch makes reference to this quote in his book, When People are Big and God is Small, Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man.

Nicholas and MLK

This is one of my favorite pictures . . . I can't wait to one day take this same photo in heaven. If there was anyone still alive that I could introduce my nephew Nicholas to it would be MLK (okay, besides Jesus of course). Nicholas is five years old. He invited me to his open house. It was one of the greatest nights of my life. Nicholas probably has no idea of who Martin Luther King Jr. really is . . . his sacrifice . . . his love . . . his life . . . his death. My job as an aunt is to make sure he knows and appreciates MLK as much as I do.

morning Charla hates night Charla

Today while driving home from a retreat I told a friend . . . "I'm at a place in life where my lack of self-discipline (getting up earlier than 45 minutes before I have to leave the house, exercising, eating right, reading the Bible before 10am, etc.) is staring me in the face every day." There are some positions in life that are fakable, but when God calls you to higher levels of authority your discipline, or lack thereof, is called to center stage . . . a spot light is turned on . . . and I honestly hear people in the balcony booing. I know, I know, I've read the books (thank you Richard Foster) and I even have "Manage yourself, lead others," printed in huge font which hangs on the inside of my medicine cabinet. I've got the flash cards, the podcasts, a warm-up suit, and the desire . . . but, well (awkward pause). Often when I'm feeling this way I pull out a book by Mary Whelchel called, "The Snooze Alarm Syndrome." She reminds me what proverbs says, "The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied." However, what I love most is that Mary gives herself away. She writes, "Almost every morning of my life I must overcome what I call my "morning depression." I go into a "blue funk" upon waking, and the longer I stay in bed, the worse it gets. I am demotivated, sad, ready to quit, despondent, discouraged, negative - all of that and more. I have learned that getting up early and immediately upon waking is my best weapon against this morning depression. It goes away ten minutes after I put my feet on the floor and start my day (Whelchel, 1997)."

If you look at the picture of Mary on the back of the book she is in her late 50's, wearing pearls, sporting Pentecostal hair and has a bright smile. By looking at her picture you automatically know that she loves Jesus and small animals. But what I love most about Mary is that she stays in the battle and is honest. Thanks Mary, you encourage me!

The invited, or the invitee!

Good morning! I hope you had a great 4th. I had a lot of fun. Had some friends over . . . ate too many cookies . . . watched fireworks . . . watched the BET awards . . . played some guitar hero . . . (not in that order). Does it get any better than that in one nite? I actually played hostess. I couldn't believe it. I put out food . . . asked people what they wanted to drink . . . refilled their glasses . . . and then took their plates back to the kitchen. I had this gnawing feeling all nite of, "I'm turning into my mother!" Okay, I know you're thinking, "Char, you're 33, you should have already discovered the world of hosting!" Well, you're right, but people's plates with leftover food on them usually makes me want to yack so I don't really do this kind of thing very often. You see, I'm usually the invited, not the invitee. When you invite people into your home you dust, vacuum, light the candles, clean the bathroom, shake the rugs, you know what I'm talk'n bout? But when you're the invited, all you have to do is show up.

All of this to say, I think we have church all wrong. We go to a building, sit there and pretend like we are the guest, the invited one, but in reality we are the invitee . . . So since today is Saturday I would encourage you to shake the rugs, clean the bathroom, light the candles, dust, vacuum, and do whatever you gotta do to get your heart ready cause tomorrow we're having a party . . . aka church!