*I wrote this article for a ministry publication. I thought you may enjoy reading it as well. Note: the name has been changed of my friend in the article.
We were best friends in high school. I was a junior and she was soon to exit the institution we both loathed . . . public school.
Emily and I were complete opposites and probably the reason why we got along so well. After graduation I stayed in my hometown to earn my AS degree from the local community college while she sought married life. After I transferred to Bible college we seemingly lost contact for several years. Slowly with time, our friendship turned in to an annual chat on the phone. How are you? How is the hubby? Are the kids staying out of trouble? Occasionally I would feel a gentle nudge, “Call Emily.” Frustrated because I always initiated the connection I would reluctantly call, only to be greeted by an answering machine. “Emily this is Char . . . I know it’s been awhile my friend, but I was thinking about you.” Sometimes she would return the call . . . but most times I would convince myself she accidentally erased the message or had gotten to busy rushing the little ones to soccer practice. I felt like a fool. Why was I relentless to a fault? It was obvious she did not want to continue the friendship.
After years of this ongoing struggle, I happened to notice an emerging pattern. With the gradual ebb of communication, now only every two to three years, I began to recognize that each time I called she was going through a crisis or life changing event, the birth of her daughter, the break-up of her marriage, an illness that nearly took her life. Emily even recognized the pattern and told me I was like her angel . . . always there at the right moments. From time to time I would wander back home for the holidays and would occasionally bump in to her. The town is so small you bump in to practically everyone. During my last trip home I planned to call her, but wasn’t ready to deal with the excuse of why she wouldn’t be able to see me . . . kids, work, new boyfriend . . . blah, blah, blah. Ugh, I hate having to pretend as if rejection doesn’t hurt. I shrugged off the inclination and took the low road. I was done.
Finding my way back in to my routine is a joyous occasion for me. Vacations and holidays spent visiting family is always wonderful but routines are what keep me from losing my mind. After about three days away from the daily grind, I start jones ‘n for “normalcy” . . . probably a disorder of some kind. It was an ordinary Tuesday. I was driving back to work after lunch with a co-worker when I got a text, “Have you heard about Emily.” Sickened I knew something was not right. Later that day I heard the horrific story of how her boyfriend had killed her and then killed himself. Shocked, angry and numb I found myself kicking myself. You’ve been there before. Remember the friend, student or parishioner you never called back only to find out later they were in prison for some heinous crime, or the individual who left your church or youth group, that was never pursued by you or your staff, who ended up overdosing.
Bible College never prepared me to handle disappointment, especially disappointment with myself. Here is what I learned . . .
- Life happens. I cannot predict it or stop I can only choose how I will respond to it.
- People make their own decisions. I always felt that Emily shied away from having a relationship with me because she knew I was a Christian and we lived very different lives. Sad, but true, many people may resist having a relationship with you because of their obscured view of God.
- I am not anyone’s angel, nor will I ever be. Only one man was responsible for the salvation of others and they crucified Him. I am to follow Him, not be Him.
- Follow the nudges. Instead of reeling over what I did not do, I have allowed this event to remind me of what needs to be done. I am more apt to follow “the nudge.” I must consider it a lesson learned.
- Human love has its limitations. Only God’s love is relentless to a fault. My prayer is to become more and more like Him, and to love people with supernatural love.
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